Separation!!!

I have been leaving Abi (my 1 yr old ) at the nursery for a few weeks now so that I could get back to my work. Initially, when the thought came up I thought it was easy, he'll cry for a few days, and then things will settle in. I had a few friends and family who sent their kids to nursery and never heard anyone complaining or whining.

Unfortunately for Me, Abi, and the nursery they had only 1 day that they could accommodate Abi for. So that was 1 day a week. Sending Abi for once a week was starting all over again every week as he would forget about it, be happy and cheerful. So every Friday was the beginning of the same thing. I left him the first day for an hour and Abi cried for the whole hour. He was distressed, wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't play nor settle down. This happened for a few weeks. For me, that hour was a painful hour. I just thought to myself, if I had to leave my boy at the nursery just for him to cry and make himself miserable then there was no point in me leaving him there. I wanted to stop him from going to the nursery. i and Prem had a discussion about it where Prem was dead against it saying that this is the initial period and it will take time. Then I thought to myself and decided to request the nursery if they could try and accommodate another day because one day wasn't doing any good. So the nursery agreed and accommodated 2 days. I usually would sneak out and leave him behind at the nursery. I felt bad and decided to wave him goodbye and assure him that i would be back.

When the 2 day week started, I went to Abi and said that I was going to leave him at the nursery but would be back soon. And waved goodbye. He turned around and waved bye. I am sure he didn't understand what waving was. He must have thought it was a waving game as I was teaching him to wave for both Hi and Bye. He realized by the 2nd week of the 2 day week that I was going to leave him at the nursery and disappear for a while. He would cling on to me and try to say in his own words not to leave. Then I started sneaking out. I felt guilty every minute.

I wonder how we parents do it. It's a hard experience and we still do it.

Pure Innocence.....

It was the day Abi was born and I held him in my arms and thought to myself.."he's the purest !" His eyes, his fresh pink body, his softness, his breathing, his tenderness ... everything about him was delicate and pure... his touch, his voice, his expressions... non of it had any ones interference. It was the purest form. He was seeing through his eyes, he was breathing the breath of life, his cries were flawless no negative intentions, he didn't even think, he was just out there . God's miracles are beyond imagination, it happens everyday, it happens to most of us but its done different every time...

Unless you experience that feeling you will never know how it feels like. I was part of my sisters, cousins and friends celebrating their babies but never actually felt what they felt like. And never thought how they felt about their children. Now that I am mother I can feel what they feel. It's not an easy experience and it takes a lot of patience to accepting yourself as a mother and bringing up the child. I looked at Abi and thought to myself this purity will one day wither away. It wont come back... it wont last long... and I will miss every minute of it. Abi is over a year now and I miss that tiny teeny baby Abi....I enjoy his movements and growing up but I still miss that tender delicate soft sweet baby that I always held in my arms. After he was born and I accepted the fact that we are not two but three now and an extra person had come forever into our lives it was exciting. But there were days when I missed my independence and was craving to be on my own. I tried being on my own and realised couldn't. I had taken up a role that would change my life forever. Till the day I die to be precise. And there's no looking back.

One thing good about being a parent specially a mother is we are lucky to see our kid grow up... something that we wouldn't have realised when we grew up and never even thought of it. We get to see every change in them that we ourselves went through but never thought about it while growing up. Their first words, steps, moves, smiles, roll overs, and the list is endless. Every day seems to be a different one. My husband envies me as I am the first one to see every change and growing up in Abi and very rarely he catches one. Its exciting, hard work, tiring, adventurous, lazy, and sometimes being a mother you also want to have a break (the only thing that I tried but with little luck as I couldn't take my mind off Abi) even though he was with his dad. I would hope he's feeding him right, he's changing his nappy right and on time, he's playing with him enough, he's putting him to sleep at the right time and most of all hoping that he understands why Abi does somethings sometimes...........

Now we both are at a state where we do understand Abi and if not we definitely check with each other if we are not sure..:))

To all the lovely parents out there..."happy parenting" and make most of your loved one's innocence a memorable and a precious one...once gone, its gone for ever...:))